Christmas Tree

When I was a kid, we had an artificial Christmas tree. (Artificial is a prettier word than fake.) We had the same tree for as many years as I can remember. In fact, my mom still has that tree.
In 2003 I got married. James' family always had fresh, live, real Christmas trees. They went to Casey's (a hardware store...confusing, right, Midwesterners?) or Safeway and bought a real tree every year. I thought real trees were a mess, a hassle.
Our first Christmas, we lived in a tiny apartment. There wasn't room for a tree. Someone gave us their old artificial tree and we just used the top of the tree as our tree. We went over to my parent's house and sorted out all of my ornaments and decorated our very first Christmas tree. It was pretty Charlie Brownie.
By the time our second Christmas came around, we had moved. Our apartment was above a store in downtown Oskaloosa. It was a long and skinny place, almost half a block long. We had several bay windows and 10-foot ceilings. It was a Christmas tree's dream! We borrowed my dad's truck, went out to a Christmas Tree Farm and cut down our very first tree. It was a big one, probably 8 feet tall. It was amazing! We had to buy extra lights and ornaments to fully decorate it. This tree has been remembered and pined after every Christmas since its existence.
The next year we lived with my parents and shared their tree. Actually, I'm not sure that we even put up a tree that year since my dad was sick.
For the first 3 years we lived in Lee's Summit we went to Santa's Tree Farm and cut down a tree. It was a pretty fun experience, especially once we had the boys with us.
The last three years we have hiked out to rugged Home Depot and pulled a tree out of their display. They are actually pretty good trees, and cheap! It's not quite as festive, but the result is the same.
Now that we've had several Christmases with live trees, I love them! It's fun to find a new tree and make it look nice every year. And the pine scent is delicious!

Pretend there's a picture of our tree here. Apparently we didn't take any this year.

And this post is late, in honor of the 12th day of Christmas!

Five Years

Five years is a long time. It's more than half of the time we have been married.
In the last five years we have had 3 children.
We bought a house.
We settled into the house.
We cleaned up the jungle that is now our back yard.
We met the most wonderful group of people we have ever known.
We went to a lot of Royals games and a handful of Chiefs games.
We traveled to Arizona, North Carolina, Florida, Iowa.
We have hosted family and friends at our house more times than I can count.
We have endured snowy winters and steamy summers.
We have learned so much about ourselves and our God.
We have struggled and conquered.
So much has happened.

Today, on November 19, 2011, I remember that five years ago, my dad died.
It was a sunny and windy Sunday, much like today.
I remember the details of that day.
Some of us went to church.
We waited.
We talked quietly.
We wondered what would happen.
I called James with updates. (He was mashing "light" mashed potatoes for the NBC Thanksgiving Dinner.)
As the day grew dark, the house grew quiet.
We sat in the living room, in dim light.
No one spoke.
Dad took his last breath.
I knew that was it.
It was final.

We knew this day would come. Dad was sick for 16 months. Even knowing that death is near doesn't make it easy. In that moment, I began to wonder what life would be like without my dad.
Would I forget him?
Would we replace him?
How would we survive without him?
Tonight, five years later, I know some answers.
I will never forget my dad. He lives on through me. I tell stories, introduce my boys to Randolph and give puppy dog kisses.
We could never replace Dad.
We have survived without him. Some days the pain is barely even there for me. I know my mom feels it every day. I wish the pain would just go away. I suppose the only way for that to happen is to completely forget. I wish I could see my boys doing tricks with Dad. I wish they could sit next to him during church and draw pictures of farm animals. I would love to sit and listen to Dad's version of the Christmas story on Christmas Eve. The list goes on and on.

But tonight, I just remember. And I thank God for the life of my dad. He and my mom gave me a great foundation on which to build my life.