The News

For those of you who are not facebook friends with me (which I'm pretty sure is no one)
WE'RE HAVING A BABY!!!
We just announced it to the world on Wednesday. I'm almost 16 weeks along, due June 1. We have known for 8 weeks but didn't want to tell people too soon. When we lost our baby Micah, I was 17 weeks along and she measured 14 weeks. So I wanted to wait until we got past that 14 week point. I've been going to the doctor every two weeks to check the baby's heart beat and make sure everything is ok. Up until this week, I have been very nervous, while trying to stay calm and not stress over things. But now I feel like we can be excited! I fully realize what a miracle babies are. A million different things have to go perfectly so a healthy baby can be born. I am so glad to have 3 miracles of my own and look forward to adding a fourth!

Blessings

Sometimes it's hard to see the blessings in life when everything on the surface seems to be falling apart. Sometimes it's good to dig down deep and take a look at things we take for granted. Things we often forget about.

I'm thinking about this today because I watched the news this morning. The story that brought me back to the actual reality (not the reality of my own life) was about Syria. Right now there is a war raging in Syria. I don't understand all of the reasons for the conflict, but I understand it's affect on people. People stand in line for hours for bread. Just bread. Not butter or fruit or steak. Bread. Gasoline is scarce, and expensive. There is no electricity, no school. One little boy said he only eats one piece of bread a day. Can you imagine?

This is just one example of life outside of Kansas City, MO. Or whatever town you live in. People scattered all over the world face similar circumstances every day. It is sad.

And then I realize that I am blessed. Here are some things I see as blessings in my life. They are things that I don't think about every day. Things that are just a way of life. A habit. The way things have always been.

-We live in a free country, our government takes care of us, we have rights, we have a voice (no comments allowed about the bad parts of our government, we don't all agree on the issues, but we are fortunate to have the voice that we have) We have religious freedom, freedom of speech, the right to bear arms...the list goes on.
-For my family, we have a strong Christian heritage. It's a truth I have known my whole life. Freedom in Christ is a blessing.
-We have a pantry and a refrigerator full of food. It's not always full. Sometimes we eat whatever's left, but we eat and are full.
-We belong to a loving church family. People care about us and take care of us. And we get to return the love!
-We have jobs, health insurance, good medical care. If one of my babies gets sick, help is just a few minutes away. And medicine is available for whatever ails us.
-My kids go to great schools. Asa is learning to read. I know that there are problems with our education system, but we have one. Most of the teachers in our country love kids and love teaching.
-We have cars that work and help us live a comfortable life.
-We have electricity! Heat, air conditioning, hot water, indoor plumbing...
-We have the ability to communicate with our family and friends all over the country with the touch of a button.
-I have 3 healthy and smart boys and a husband who loves me and loves them.

This is not an exhausted list of the reasons why I feel blessed this morning. It's just what I came up with in a few minutes while sitting at my kitchen table. I understand that we all face things that are sad, difficult, frustrating. But we must always remember that we are blessed, sometimes only by chance. When the car is broken down, you can't afford the awesome Christmas presents, your sleep is interrupted, the kids break something expensive, you deal with a difficult person at work...just take a break and count your blessings. They will always outnumber your curses.

Dinner This Week

I thought I would share our menus from this week. I don't know if anyone cares but maybe you need some fresh inspiration. Enjoy!

Sunday: biscuits and sausage gravy
Monday: green chili stew
Tuesday: fettuccini alfredo with chicken and shrimp (only because I didn't have much shrimp)
Wednesday: beef fajitas
Thursday: fried hamburgers with fries and gravy (from the Pioneer Woman)
Friday: French toast and bacon

Left on the list for the weekend and next week:
chicken tacos
pot roast
chili
baked ravioli
breakfast casserole

Happy menu planning!

My Pride and Joy

I just have to brag on my boys for a minute. They are growing up and each of them is doing new things every day. It's an exciting time at our house!

 Asa is 5 years old and in kindergarten. He loves school. He likes drawing and writing letters and numbers. He always has a story to tell about his drawings. He played soccer this fall and had a blast. Today he was cutting up paper and gluing it together to make people. This boy is just so creative! I love it!

 Judah is 4 and in preschool. He also loves going to school. He likes playing soccer at school. At home he plays with cars, puzzles and likes to sing and color. He loves to help in the kitchen. Yesterday he even helped me with the dishes! We just had Judah's conference at preschool and it was great. His teachers said he is right on track academically to go to kindergarten next year. He is slowly learning how to be his own person, separate from his big brother. I'm so proud of his sudden interest in writing letters. It's fun to watch his fast progress.

 And our baby... Reuben is 1 year old; he will be 2 in 6 weeks. He likes making silly faces, jumping, dancing, running, taking care of babies, playing with playdough and doing everything his brothers do. This boy named 7 body parts on a doll tonight! His speech is improving every day. It's so fun to hear him speak the same words we do and be able to communicate with us. The picture below is Reuben reading a book on the deck. He lives the good life!

My boys are each unique and each amazingly smart and funny. I sit here and can't help but know that I am blessed. Children truly are a gift from the Lord.

Nine Years!

Pretend that I posted this last week, August 9, 2012. Thank you.

Today James and I celebrate nine years of marriage.
*As a side note, this is apparently the week to get married. We know a lot of people celebrating anniversaries this week!
We don’t have a big celebration planned this year but I am very excited for some Red Lobster tonight! That comes with a side of relaxing conversation and a guarantee that we won’t have to wipe any faces or tell anyone to quit saying poopy-head at the table. We are thinking about taking a big trip next year without our kids to celebrate 10 years together!
Each year on our anniversary, I think, “Shwoo! We’ve made it another year.” There are always some hard times, plenty of arguments, but not usually anything life-altering. And each year there are always great times! This year has been different. There a couple things that stand out that have caused us much pain. As I look back, the thing that I remember most about going through these hard times is the way James and I clung to each other. When you are married to someone for a while, you start to share the same thoughts, the same opinions about things, the same beliefs. It is easy to talk with someone when you know what they are going to say. When you trust them. James and I both like to talk (no surprise there). I would say that we have talked more in this year of marriage than ever before. We would lay in bed talking into the early hours of the morning. We talked while James was at work. At a time when I didn't know who to talk to or how to express my thoughts politely, I leaned into my husband. I would have preferred if this past year had been smooth and calm. But I am glad that James and I were able to become closer together through our struggles.

Weekends

We all love the weekend. It's a break from the daily schedule of life. At least it is for most people. We have a lot of friends who either work every Saturday or have a changing schedule and work the occasional Saturday or Sunday. Even so, if you have school age kids, your weekend will be different from your average week day.
For us, weekends are a time to relax. A time to play. A time for projects around the house. Those are James' favorites. (not) His favorite is sleeping. And watching college football. (Just over 7 weeks until football season begins!)
We have had a busy summer. Well, busy for us. We have been to my mom's in Iowa, Colorado for camping with James' family, mission trip to Paola, KS with the youth from our church, Iowa again, hosting my family, celebrating Judah's birthday and my 30th birthday... We have had a lot of events on our calendar!
This weekend was our first weekend with nothing on the calendar in a long time. The last "free" weekend for us was June 9-10. Before that James' mom was here for 2 weekends. Before that was the always busy month of May. It's just been a long time since we have had a peaceful weekend at home. I was really looking forward to having some time to relax and get some work done. So here's what the weekend looked like (in no particular order):
-we raked and bagged half the leaves from our back yard (that makes 13 bags) (yes, it's July but according to Asa, it's fall at our house) The boys played in the sandbox while we worked. They would occasionally run over to get blown away by the leaf blower.
-I started organizing all of our paperwork and shredded a bunch of stuff
-James made a logo for the next teaching series at church
-we went on a mini shopping spree to Children's Place ($24 spent) and got Asa a backpack for kindergarten :(
-we ate ice cream and popsicles
-we made Chipotle burritos (they were good but not the same)
-I wrote up a menu for the week and went to the grocery store
-James and I watched 2 movies: Fifth Quarter and Casa de Mi Padre
-James took a nap
 I'm not sure what the kids did all weekend. I think they were home...
 The productivity continued into today. I had two browning apples so I made individual apple crisps which James and I enjoyed after the boys went to bed tonight.

 I also baked a cake for James to take to a baby shower at work tomorrow. He decorated it while I was at a meeting this evening.

 

 And I made strawberry rhubarb jam. I haven't tasted it yet but I am very glad that the jar lids sealed!

Father's Day

For Father's Day this year, I followed with the new tradition we are setting. (perhaps) I interviewed the boys about their dad. Their answers follow:

How old is Dad?
Asa: 20
Judah: old

What does Dad like to wear?
A: his glasses
J: red shirt

What color is Daddy's hair?
A: the same as mine
J: black

What color are Daddy's eyes?
A: black or brown
J: brown

Daddy loves to eat:
A: casseroles
J: pancakes

My dad works hard at:
A: doing his job of work
J: church

Daddy always tells me:
A: how to be nice
J: a story

What makes Daddy happy?
A: when I obey him
J: my cars

Where does Dad want to go on vacation?
A: a place with hot air balloon
J: church

If I could give Daddy anything, it would be:
A: coffee
J: a cookie


We had a super-dad lunch, Dad's root beer, biscuits and gravy, super hero capes. It was fun. After lunch I sent James out on a scavenger hunt with one of his good friends. They drove around town following clues to find their gifts. It was a fun day and I was glad to be able to spoil my guy a little bit!

Beauty from Pain

These are the lyrics to a touching song by Superchick.

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive but I feel like I've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Here I am at the end of me
Tryin' to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Shortly after we lost baby Micah these lyrics were going through my head. Actually, they were going through James' head as well. We have had some other difficulties this past year as well. Things are turning out different that we had imagined. As I was driving home tonight, I heard this song and the lyrics rang true again. "And though I can't understand why this happened, I know that I will when I look back some day and see how you've brought beauty from ashes, and made me as gold purified through these flames." This is such a comfort. All that is lost is not forgotten. All that is broken is not thrown away. We are healing and moving forward. Some days are just harder than others.

Mother's Day

The boys gave me a scroll this year with the following words this year...

About Our Mom
What does Mom do while Asa is at school
Asa: messes up my stuff
Judah: watch movies

If Mom were an animal, what would she be?
A: a dinosaur because dinosaurs are big and sometimes girls, like the mommy dinosaur from Dinosaur Train
J: a lion

What is Mommy's favorite TV show?
A: The Cosby Show
J: Dora

What is Mommy's most important rule?
A: clean up
J: poop on the potty

Why do you love Mommy?
A: she gets me stuff, she likes stuff I do.
J: she makes me happy

What is the best food Mommy makes?
A: the Cars macaroni
J: Nutella sandwich

What makes Mommy laugh?
A: when I tell funny stuff and jokes
J: being funny (when I am funny)

How tall is Mommy?
A: by the lamp
J: as tall as Daddy

What is your favorite thing to do with Mommy?
A: go to Hy-Vee
J: help Mommy cook

What is Mommy the best at?
A: cooking
J: watching movies

Note: Reuben was unavailable for questioning.


This is the best gift! It captures so much about our life right now. It's a gift that I will cherish forever! Thanks James!

Words From My Heart

It's been over eight weeks since we lost our fourth baby. I've been trying to write this post for several weeks. It's draining to pen my feelings. We found out a few weeks ago that the baby was a girl. Micah Elizabeth. I was hoping for a girl this time. We have some adorable summer dresses that my sister and I wore when we were babies. They would have been perfect for a July baby. I guess I have wished for a girl all along. My sisters have girls and they have always been fun. Every chance I get, I braid their hair, paint their nails and take them shopping. Those aren't the typical things moms with boys do, so I cherish the time I get to spend with my nieces. They are getting older so now I get to talk to them about fashion and boys!
Now, don't get me wrong, I love my boys! They are fun to play with and they enjoy doing some girl stuff like cooking and making crafts. Every time I'm in the kitchen, Judah asks, "What you making?" and pushes a chair to the counter to help me. Asa loves drawing pictures and telling detailed stories about the characters he has drawn. Reuben is strong and loves to climb and play just like his big brothers. It is fun to watch them all wrestle, something that wouldn't happen with a gaggle of girls. I love my boys!
It's difficult to think about our loss and try to rationalize it in my mind. Pregnancy is the epitome of the "already, not yet" concept. A life in the womb changes your thoughts, your plans, your diet, your exercise, your dreams. But it's not visible or tangible. I had started to envision myself this summer as a pregnant woman. It would be hot. I would follow Reuben around the playground, making sure he didn't step off the edge. We would swim and I would have looked ridiculous. We would take an early vacation. Asa would start kindergarten and I would have a baby. Most of these things will still happen. I will look ridiculous at the pool, no getting around that! We will go on vacation. Asa will start kindergarten. But there will be no baby. We will have a great summer! I won't be miserably hot. I will have no restrictions for having lots of fun with my family. But there will be no baby. I haven't lost something tangible, but I have lost a dream. The way I envisioned my life has changed.
I don't really feel mad or confused about why our baby died. It appears that it was an accident. Something just went wrong. I am grateful for three perfect boys. I think I took for granted what an absolute miracle it is for a human to be born. The process is so delicate. Millions of things have to happen exactly right in order for a baby to be born healthy and fully developed.
As I sit in my living room with my boys, I am thankful for the family God has given me. I have the smartest, funniest, cutest kids in the world. I am still sad that we lost Micah before we even got to know her. I am beginning to hope for another baby, maybe even a girl. I am trusting that God will continue to bless our family. He always provides just what we need.

Kindergarten Registration

Tonight we took a step towards the end of my life. Just kidding. We registered Asa for school. It really wasn't a big deal. We went to the school, gave them our paperwork and toured the kindergarten classrooms. Fun times. The funny thing is that Asa was a bit shy. He spoke quietly and walked reluctantly. Judah was excited. He charged right in and explored the place. Reuben also was pretty excited. He ran for the door every time we put him down. We had to hit up the playground and the bus. We even got a little ride. Asa and Judah were all smiles!
I can't believe that it's almost time for kindergarten. I suddenly feel a big responsibility. Yesterday I was just a mother of little babies. Today I'm almost a school mom. Man, that's a lot! I'm sure I will step up to that challenge. Somehow.

Baby Micah

My husband wrote a post on his blog about our baby, Micah.

PSA

I don't have time to say anything, but you want to read my husband's blog today!

What's for Dinner?

Here is the first post in response to your writing topic ideas. This one is from one of my favorite girls, Christina. Thanks for the idea!

You should write about cooking...maybe your favorite things to make or how you decide what meals to fix....or how you deal with a husband who doesn't eat vegetables!

I'll just start with the meals we had last week for dinner.
Monday: Baked Cheese Ravioli and Breadsticks- The ravioli is frozen, throw it in a dish with meat sauce and mozzarella cheese. Bake for about an hour. Breadsticks were also frozen but really good. It's a pretty easy meal. I didn't bother with a salad this time.
Tuesday: Chick-Fil-A -This is just something fun we do with friends sometimes when the kids can eat for free.
Wednesday: Baked Swai, rice pilaf, steamed veggies- I cannot make rice pilaf. It had no flavor. The fish was good but the boys didn't eat it. They had leftover macaroni and cheese.
Thursday: Orange Chicken with steamed rice- Pretty easy. I found a bottle of Panda Express' orange chicken sauce. The boys like eating with chopsticks so they actually ate pretty well.
Friday: Buffalo Wild Wings to celebrate a friend's birthday
Saturday: Rochelle's Chilli with cornbread muffins- Yes, I have a friend that makes great chilli. She won't give me the recipe so she makes it for us any time we have the need for chilli. Crazy, I know.

Other things we love:
enchiladas, tacos or quesadillas with rice, beans, salsa and guacamole (the boys often just eat chips and salsa)
spaghetti
pizza or calzones
breakfast for dinner, often biscuits and gravy, breakfast casserole or waffles
grilled chicken and fried potatoes
mac & cheese, the homemade version

There's the basics. Hopefully I will write more posts about what I cook! Remind me if I forget!

Writer's Block

I haven't written many posts recently. Or read other blogs. Maybe I'm busy? Or lazy? Or interested in other things? I feel I need some inspiration. What would you like to read about? Here's a challenge. Leave a comment of something you would like me to write about and I'll give it a try. My most frequented topic is my boys but I'm willing to branch out and talk about something else. Religion, politics, technology, cooking, shopping, cleaning, landscaping, astrology... Whatever you want. It just needs to be a little specific. I'm not a writer after all. Just ask my college roommate. She had to help me with every paper I had in my English class.
Leave a comment with a subject I should write about. This might be a really bad idea. Who knows!
Ready.....go.


(I reserve the right to not write about any topic I deem silly.)