Five years is a long time. It's more than half of the time we have been married.
In the last five years we have had 3 children.
We bought a house.
We settled into the house.
We cleaned up the jungle that is now our back yard.
We met the most wonderful group of people we have ever known.
We went to a lot of Royals games and a handful of Chiefs games.
We traveled to Arizona, North Carolina, Florida, Iowa.
We have hosted family and friends at our house more times than I can count.
We have endured snowy winters and steamy summers.
We have learned so much about ourselves and our God.
We have struggled and conquered.
So much has happened.
Today, on November 19, 2011, I remember that five years ago, my dad died.
It was a sunny and windy Sunday, much like today.
I remember the details of that day.
Some of us went to church.
We waited.
We talked quietly.
We wondered what would happen.
I called James with updates. (He was mashing "light" mashed potatoes for the NBC Thanksgiving Dinner.)
As the day grew dark, the house grew quiet.
We sat in the living room, in dim light.
No one spoke.
Dad took his last breath.
I knew that was it.
It was final.
We knew this day would come. Dad was sick for 16 months. Even knowing that death is near doesn't make it easy. In that moment, I began to wonder what life would be like without my dad.
Would I forget him?
Would we replace him?
How would we survive without him?
Tonight, five years later, I know some answers.
I will never forget my dad. He lives on through me. I tell stories, introduce my boys to Randolph and give puppy dog kisses.
We could never replace Dad.
We have survived without him. Some days the pain is barely even there for me. I know my mom feels it every day. I wish the pain would just go away. I suppose the only way for that to happen is to completely forget. I wish I could see my boys doing tricks with Dad. I wish they could sit next to him during church and draw pictures of farm animals. I would love to sit and listen to Dad's version of the Christmas story on Christmas Eve. The list goes on and on.
But tonight, I just remember. And I thank God for the life of my dad. He and my mom gave me a great foundation on which to build my life.
Oh wow. I am speechless. That was absolutely beautiful. I can't believe it's been five years since he passed. I remember so well when you first told us he was sick, and when we heard that he had gone. I hope he's looking down from heaven, reading your tribute. I'm sure it would nearly make him cry.
ReplyDeleteWow. Jodi what a beautiful sentiment. I am in tears as I feel the pain in your words. I pray God places his hand upon you and you feel the pride and love your dad still has for you. You are an amazing woman of God and your parents are responsible for giving you that foundation, but you have risen to the challenge. You are a great mommy, friend, wife, daughter and sister. I know you Dad celebrates you and your achievements daily. Love you lady.
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